• crash

• after the crash, don´t hold a postmortem on the spot. at this moment the pilot of the wreckage among other things most probably doesn't want to discuss:

• pilot error
• model selection compared with skill of pilot
• poor construction
• necessary checks before flight
• worn rubber bands
• empty fuel tank
• battery condition
• the disadvantages of light blue covering
• the forgotten switch
• ....
• and don´t say:: as i´ve stated before...

• model flight thoughts

• remember! the soil is the deepest point an airplane can fly to. undestroyed.
• may the lift be with you.
• dont fly slow and low. destruction is near!
• have a nice day!
• never turn the transmitter on. unless you are sure what you are doing...
• your plane has crashed? you are guilty!
• last words of a pilot: sure, the receiver is on!
• a pilots last words: sure, the wings are tightly bolted on!
• the wind wasnt too strong. your plane was too weak.
• i heard that nasty noise, was that your plane?
• the model was too expensive? the repairs will be even more!
• dont fly solo. who is going to help, if needed?
• you plan to fly with weak cells? most probably you are going to murder the model.
• fly regularly fast low passes in inverted flight. the muck excavator bucket is nearly empty!
• dont stare at the hips of a woman passing by while flying high. the female and the model will disappear...
• yes, its a good idea to smoke while refuelling your plane. the next local firefighters exercise is long overdue.
• start your engine with bare hands. life is easier with fewer fingers!
• always land in trees, fences or fields. if possible, far away. all the guys are eagerly awaiting a lost-plane-search.
• its a real challenge for the discerning aviator to sail at maximum altitude and far away till the engines final cough.
• if you like annoyance, fly over spectators!
• most common phrase on the flying field: do you have some cyano for me?
• most used word immediately after flight: shit!
• you have checked everything preflight? as has been proven, the only thing you forgot will be the cause of destruction...
• only the more cowardly perform a re-check!
• foreword: i dont know, if the dihedral angle is set correctly. epilogue: shit!
• its a good idea to extend that aerial.
• never use that damned frequency marker. add more thrills for all.
• never try to land deeper than the roots of the grass!
• ;-)
• plenty of beer inside you will guarantee plenty of pieces.
• fly your seaplane over land, the undercarriaged one over waters. this makes things easier!
• fly overloaded and underpowered. thats excitement!
• steer planes far too fast for your experience. we will help you collect the parts.
• what should i say about your last flight? disaster?
• positioning your airplane right in front of the sun will help to make its flight attitude more recognizable.
• check everything, every time! otherwise you have to glue...
• add fun for the spectators! fly with warped wings, broken ribs, empty cells, ...
• stunt flying at a height equal to the eyebrows of the ants will fertilize the flying area with some balsa dust.
• set the final landing approach behind obstacles. the landing will be spectacular, at least, ...probably.
• right after launch, have you ever enjoyed the thinking. the swich is off..... ?
• to proove the correctness of the direction and length of rudder-movements during initial flight is a more brutal method.
• it is delightful to crash, too, after hitting the remnants of your ex-plane, which you left after its last flight.
• never use a model-finder. its more fun to destroy a whole wheat-field. the farmer will applause too.
• use roaring engines. this will increase the social compatibilty of our hobby immensely.
• never ask the humorless owner of the meadow you plan to fly from. he will be pleased to see his trampled cow-fodder.
• always start in the direction of people. almost certainly they will enjoy the feeling of beeing hunted!
• dont consider the stupid wind sock. get more thrills by landing crosswise to the wind direction!
• before your lift-off, never check if there is someone in final approach. he will be delighted...
• you plan to land? be sure that nobody else is aware of this.
• the wise, elder aviator recommends : hone your skills with a flight-simulator!
• its wiser to check cg before maiden flight!
• you smashed your plane beyond repair? dont be contrite, an industry is prospering through people like us.
• ram that enemy plane!
• gentlemen, start your engines...
• let your bird ascend to breezy heights. that is its definition!
• fly each suitable day, fly as often as possible, that is the secret of good flying.
• build as strongly and as lightly as possible. otherwise the result will fly short and ugly, or not at all.
• while flying, expect the unexpected.
• your attempt to sail high beneath heavy cumuli may lead to a new world-record in unsteered flight.
• dont soar beyond the capabilities of your model and yourself. you will lose.
• dont fly behind the borders of your flying range. the obstacles win every time!
• avoid that tree! its preferable to land on the mowed grass-strip we have prepared for.
• rip violently at those control-sticks during final landing approach! so says the trader of kits...

• jokes

• remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one. reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in their jobs.
  after every flight, pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet", which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. the mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

• P: left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
  M: almost replaced left inside main tire.

• P: test flight ok except auto-land very rough.
  M: auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

• P: something loose in cockpit.
  M: something tightened in cockpit.

• P: dead bugs on windshield.
  M: live bugs on back-order.

• P: autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet-per-minute descent.
  M: cannot reproduce problem on ground.

• P: evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
  M: evidence removed.

• P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
  M: DME volume set to more believable level.

• P: friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
  M: that's what they're for.

• P: IFF inoperative.
  M: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

• P: suspected crack in windshield.
  M: suspect you're right.

• P: number 3 engine missing.
  M: engine found on right wing after brief search.

• P: aircraft handles funny. (i love this one!)
  M: aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

• P: target radar hums.
  M: reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

• P: mouse in cockpit.
  M: cat installed.

• P: noise coming from under instrument panel. sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
  M: took hammer away from midget.

......ban billy, the guy who is responsible for all of our crashes......
.....if linux is making it into private computers, if linux is selfinstalling, let´s give it a try....